For several months I’ve been very restless in the spirit. There’s been something God has been trying to tell me and show me and I’ve been resisting Him. My spirit wants to jump and go full throttle into God’s call, yet my flesh cowers in fear. I’ve had several weeks of sleepless nights, frustration, and anxiety beyond what is normal. Honestly, I was very close to the breaking point.
God’s Call
It all started back in the beginning of September of 2020 when God reminded me of a word that was spoken over me back in the winter of 1998.
Psalm 89:20-21 I have found David my servant; with my holy oil have I anointed him: With whom my hand shall be established: mine arm also shall strengthen him.
He kept telling me I was called for so much more and deep down inside – in my spirit – I knew it. Frustration began to grow inside me. Frustration about knowing there is so much more and yet continuing to resist the call and focusing on everything that was happening to me in my life but God.
It continued this way for several months. Then, in March this year God reminded me of the first prophetic dream He gave me. Again, it was back in the winter of 1998. I’m not going to go into details about the dream except to say there is a powerful call on me, God wants to download into me and for me to go forth and teach people about Jesus and His word.
Resisting God’s Call
Several weeks passed and I never really gave it another thought except maybe in passing. Frustration grew. Sleeplessness grew. Exhaustion grew. Sickness grew. Anxiety grew. Desperation grew. I continued to cry out for help to Abba. Ezra continued to pop into my mind. God trying to talk to me of course. I finally looked up and read the book of Ezra sometime in early February this year. Again the call sounded in my spirit.
Ezra 7:10-12 For Ezra had prepared his heart to seek the law of the Lord, and to do it, and to teach in Israel statutes and judgments. Now this is the copy of the letter that the king Artaxerxes gave unto Ezra the priest, the scribe, even a scribe of the words of the commandments of the Lord, and of his statutes to Israel. Artaxerxes, king of kings, unto Ezra the priest, a scribe of the law of the God of heaven, perfect peace, and at such a time.
Ezra was a ready scribe in the Law of Moses. A highly skilled teacher, extensively trained in God’s word. He was the leader of the second return to Israel by the Israelites in 458 BC. King Artaxerxes highly favored Ezra. So much so, that he was given complete civil and religious authority as well as finances enough to furnish the completed temple in Jerusalem.
Submitting to God’s Call
Fast forward to earlier this week. I was at the breaking point. I couldn’t stop crying. I’d had it. I saw myself as the Prodigal Son but I didn’t know how to come back, or even if I should. I asked my wife and a couple of brothers to pray for me. The next day I was bad. Frustration and anxiety were through the roof and I didn’t know what to do. Then about halfway through the day a peace fell over me and encompassed every part of me. I was at rest. God was comforting me and letting me know that all was well.
Over the next several days He reminded me of another dream and continued to lead me to Ezra. The dream in short was about escaping the religious system and finally being free to speak God’s word in power and seeing the changes it would bring to people’s lives. That reminded me of Ezra leaving Babylon with the captives in the following verse:
Ezra 7:6 This Ezra went up from Babylon; and he was a ready scribe in the Law of Moses, which the Lord God of Israel had given: and the king granted him all his request, according to the hand of the Lord his God upon him.
Obedience to God’s Call
That brings us today where He has shown me the changes I needed to make in this website which are the first steps on this journey. I won’t lie, I do not feel anything like He has been showing me. I do not see myself as a teacher or even a priest for that matter, but God does. My flesh doesn’t believe this is the right thing to do. As a matter of fact, I feel just the opposite. But then He reminds me first that we walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7) which is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). And secondly, of the first dream where He would take care of the download and that I am not required to do anything but be obedient. So here I am, obeying God’s call, walking in faith, and believing that He will take care of everything else.
How about you? Have you felt like a Prodigal lately? Slopping the hogs, all the while knowing that you are meant for so much more? Let me know in the comments here…
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