When God Leads
I’ve mentioned now and again that I take care of a little boy right now in exchange for room and board. I had no idea why God opened this door for me, but He did and it was the only door open. For nearly two months I’ve lived here with a private room and bathroom, and a great deal of privacy. I’m pretty much left to myself when I’m not watching my “Little Buddy”. It’s a short-term position that ends at the end of April. After that, I have no idea what God has for me. For now, my assignment is watching him and being a Godly influence on him. Or so I thought.
I’ve lost just about everything in the past 8 months starting with Veronica. That pain in itself is enough to destroy a man, but then to lose a job, home, vehicle, a purpose. Well, I’m surprised I’m still able to function as a human being. I won’t lie, I’ve been struggling here a lot more than I’d like. Feel so lost and directionless at times. I have no idea how I’m going to live or take care of myself after this. I have no idea where I’m going to go or what I’m going to do. It’s scary at times. I know deep down inside me I feel a tremendous call on my life. Something greater than I could ever have imagined. Yet I feel so distant from God.
Teacher Becomes the Student
That’s where my ‘Little Buddy’ comes in and the title of this post (Isaiah 11:6). While I have no doubt I’m here to be a good Godly influence on him, I’m beginning to see that he is also being used by God to teach me. He is a very strong-willed young man and is constantly asserting that will. He’s a leader. He reminds me of myself. Stubborn, strong-willed, and wants to do everything his way. Yet he is so helpful and so loving and caring towards others.
When he tries my patience beyond its limits, that’s merely God expanding my limits. Times when he is defiant and unwilling to do what he is told, that’s when God teaches me to find other avenues to gain his obedience. When I have to discipline him, sometimes I hate it even though I know it’s what’s best for him. And without fail, he will always tell me he’s sorry when he realizes he did something wrong.
Unconditional Love
Even when he is acting his worst, I never stop loving this little man. It’s amazing how quickly I’ve bonded with him and see him as if he were my child. Isn’t that exactly what God wants us to know about Himself? No matter what we do against His will. No matter how much we may hurt Him or disobey Him, He never stops loving us and always sees us as His children. And that is the biggest lesson I’m learning here. God loves me no matter what (Romans 8:38-39, Psalm 139:8).
I never doubted Veronica loved me. It was abundantly clear to me. And up until her death, I was fairly confident God loved me. I won’t lie, had doubts now and again, but for the most part, I believed He did. After she died, even though I clung to God like ‘Little Buddy’ clings to me when he’s hurt or sick and saw Him provide all my needs, I doubted He loved me. How could He? He took away the wife He gave me. I wasn’t so much mad as I was hurt and broken and felt like I had disappointed Him terribly. Why else would He allow her to be taken from my life?
Caterpillar to Butterfly
I’m learning now that that is not the case. I believe He hurt more over me losing her than I did. I believe, just as it hurts me sometimes to see ‘Little Buddy’ crying because I have to take something from him, that losing Veronica caused God great pain as well. No parent wants to see their child in pain. And yes, I know He’s not mine but part of me feels like He is. So how much more so does the Creator feel the pain of His children?
“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.”
― Richard Bach
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