A New Creation after the Passing of the Old
The Passing
The passing of a spouse is not just the death of the spouse, but also the death of the life you created together. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” And again in Mark 10:6-8, “But from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” The two God brought together become one creature entwined with God in a three strand chord call marriage.
The creation that was known as Brian and Veronica has passed on when Veronica passed into glory and will never be again. All that they were together and whatever they were to become is over. That’s the bad news. The good news is that God is now taking the remnants of Brian and Veronica and working to create a new creation; Brian. Right now this Brian is only half a man. What was once two as one with God is now half of the flesh, half the soul, and half the spirit. All were shared and intricately intertwined as one with God. Now one of those strands has been pulled out and a huge part of this three strand chord is gone. That’s not to say Brian will never again see and be with Veronica; we’ll meet again in heaven, but it will never be as it was here on earth.
New Creation
God now has to take this new entity known as Brian and reform and fill those missing parts and voids left when Veronica passed with Himself. God is creating a new Brian, one that is accepting of the fact that Brian and Veronica will never be as it was again and fully accepting of this new creation known as Brian.
This whole recreation process is difficult and painful for our finite and carnal minds to accept and deal with. Pathways were created that include the Veronica part and she’s not here anymore. All it knows is the Brian and Veronica. Now it’s being forced to create new pathways and thought processes without the Veronica part. That’s not easy and is painful at times. It is a process that will take much time; especially if the relationship was a long one. I believe that the longer and deeper the love, the longer and deeper the pain will be.
No one but God knows how long this process will take, but I do believe that the more we submit and surrender to God during it, the cleaner and simpler the process will be. That’s not to say it’s not going to hurt and be messy, but that some of the pain and mess can be averted. Nothing is going to make it easy or pain free, nor should it. Pain is part of the rebirth process. Death to self and who you were is always painful.
7 Stages of Grief
I like this explanation of the grief process. It fits more in line with God and what He revealed to me about the rebirth after a spouses death.
Shock and Denial: This is the stage of disbelief and perhaps numbed feelings.
Pain and Guilt: Your loss feels unbearable. You may feel that you are burdening other people in your feelings of grief.
Anger and Bargaining: You may fly off the handle at those around you. Bargaining with God that you’ll do anything to change the outcome of this situation.
Depression: Feelings of loneliness and isolation are common in this phase. Trying to process the plight you are undertaking could be consuming you.
The Upward Turn: At this point, the other stages you have gone through tend to soften. You may have gained some measure of control over the shock and anger you’ve been feeling.
Reconstruction and Working Through: Learning to live differently is starting to come together. You may be working towards new goals, making new friends, and moving on with your life.
Acceptance and Hope: This stage doesn’t really end your grief. It is more than likely that you will feel some form of grief for the rest of your life. Acceptance and hope mean you are in the process of moving forward. You can see a future for yourself.
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